Living With Brokenness

What does it mean to be broken? Personally, it’s not that I lack a piece of who I used to be, but rather I am no longer who I could’ve become. That journey was severed with disease, trauma, and grief. My body and mind have taken a hit and they can no longer continue along paths I worked so hard to find. This is challenging to fully comprehend. It’s hard to grasp.

How do I come to terms with the idea that my path has been altered by the brokenness of my past? Some will tell me to let go of the past. They’ll say I can’t live there anymore, but when you’ve been through a traumatic experience, those are shallow words. They live on the surface of a pain that’s miles deep. The pain has become a part of my core, and no band-aid is going to fix it. No one can truly understand my brokenness because, even if people has been to those depths, the scenery is different. Their pain is as unique as the circumstances that brought it. I can’t fully understand their brokenness either.

Deep seeded brokenness never heals, and no one can truly understand it. This is a bleak picture to paint. How do we move forward? What do we do? I’m often tempted to sit in my brokenness and isolate myself, and sometimes I give into this urge. However, on the days I don’t, light seems to seep in through the cracks. My body, my spirit, my mind may have been broken beyond repair; I may lug that baggage around with me for eternity, but growth can still sprout through the scars. It’s always beautiful to see a flower growing between the shards of broken sidewalk. It’s a reminder that even among shattered pieces, life continues. It may not be the luscious life that was originally intended, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful.

This is how I move forward, knowing brokenness will forever be a part of my being. Even a flower missing a petal can still go on living. The places I go, the things I accomplish, and the people I meet may be entirely different than I believed were meant for me, but then again, who says those experiences are any less than those I originally intended? My brokenness has brought me to places I never expected or wanted to be; however, I sit stronger and more confident knowing I have been tested. What is to come can be even more fulfilling, having seen the bottom of the Earth and lived to take another breath.

2 thoughts on “Living With Brokenness

  1. Hi Maddy. It’s Mrs. F. your 3rd gr teacher. I have read your blog. I have many reactions. First I am so sorry you suffer from Lyme. It’s a horrible disease. I am glad you are “better”. At least relatively speaking. You are a really good and engaging writer! And I would imagine your blog could help others. Our good friend has it. She battles a lot. I also know 2 local women with it and I imagine you must know them, plus a teacher near Albany. I think your advocacy and outreach will help others. I have heard a lot and read a lot about Lyme. It’s awful. I hope you have better and better success as you battle this and that you win in the end. There definitely needs to be more awareness. Take care, Maddy.

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